Let's Get Started...AGAIN!!!

I am starting this blog to help track my struggles and thoughts as I embark on my weight-loss journey...again. 

Here's a little background on me:

I am that girl. The girl who grew up being bullied for her weight. The girl who has struggled since childhood. The girl who uses the pain from her past as an excuse to hide from her future. 

I don't want to be her anymore. I recently read a packet from a program for losing weight and the main question this program asks is "What is your why?" In other words, why is losing weight important to me? I have so, so many reasons. The first? So I can finally stop hating myself. 

All those years back in school, elementary, junior and senior high, I felt inadequate. I was made fun of for being fat. I had been dubbed several hurtful names, like "Porky," "Big Bertha," and "Maier, 95 Acres" (this name came from the slogan of the department store, 'Meijer, 50 Acres', my last name is 'Maier', and the 95 was from wearing my brother's hand-me-down jacket with his graduating year '95 on it). Nice, huh?  I thought so. I did my best to ignore it, but unfortunately, I grew to believe they were right. Going through my final years at DHS, I was a size 14. At the time, I felt fat because that's apparently how everyone felt. Now, I wish I was that size again. I grew over the years to a size 20, and only a short time since graduating high school nearly 14 years ago did I lose weight and get back to that size 14. I was working at a year round special needs camp, 14 hour days, with non-stop activity. I cut out my biggest problem, which was/still is late night eating, never took second helpings for any meal, and I completely cut out sweets. I lost 52 pounds that first year. I ran a mile non-stop for the first time ever in life at the age of 25. I pushed myself. I was swimming a mile a day in the indoor pool, running up to six miles at a time. I completed my first and so far ONLY triathlon. I felt great, I told myself to remember that feeling. I told myself to never let it go...

Then I moved to another camp back in my home state. The stress was unbelievable. I saw my family less living an hour from them than when I was 10 hours away in another state! I turned to food. For stress relief, for comfort, whatever the reason. I lost my way. 

I ended up moving back to that special needs camp and dropped weight again, not as much this time, but enough that I was feeling a little better about myself again. I stayed a total of eight years at this place and though I don't regret going there at all, my final two years there were not happy ones. I was promoted, but not receiving benefits to all the extra work I had to put in, and the stress began to pile to levels I couldn't comprehend. It was depressing and my health was not getting better, but worse. My finances were suffering, as was my credit score. I would be on the phone with various family members daily, crying my stress out. There were days I dreaded my job and stopped giving the 110% I had always given before. That was the moment I knew. It was time to move again.  

I have been home for a little over two years now. My weight has come to an all time high, but other aspects of my life have gotten better. I love my job. I work for the family business, a driver education school as the Office Administrator, and I am also a certified instructor and teach classes whenever I am needed to. Sure, there are days of stress, but it's manageable. In just the short time of being back near family, I have improved my credit score. That's a wonderful feeling, because I am actually making enough to keep up with my bills! I have flexibility in my life. I have moved into my grandmother's house and will be attempting to take out a loan this spring to make it an official purchase. Hope that credit score is high enough! ;) Otherwise, my amazing family is allowing me to make "Rent-to-Own" payments to them, so even if I'm not ready for the loan yet, I am still buying this house. 

I can happily say that since so many parts of my life make sense now, it's time to focus on the only two things that I am unhappy with; my weight, and my love life. I know now that my weight is a crutch, and I use it as an excuse to lock myself up away from meeting new people. It is time for a change. And this change I speak of brings me back to my reason for starting this blog. If I am successful, I hope this will help to motivate others to make similar positive changes in their lives. If I'm not, maybe others will learn from my mistakes. So thank you for reading, thanks for your support. I hope to reach those of you out there who think you are alone and to tell you that you are definitely not.